Gosh it's already 6 Jan 2014, SUPER late post. I'd initially wanted to update my blog before 2013 ended but I was too caught up with stuffs, so it wasn't possible. With everyone blogging/sharing about how their year had been like, it's so hard to refrain from sharing lol!

For me, year 2013 went by extremeeeeely fast for me. It's like over in the blink of an eye.

So..

2013 had been a great year, many good fond memories, many hard lessons of course. Everything this year was considered smooth, was stable I would say and I honestly don't want to move out of it yet. Up till now, I am thankful. However, 2013 really moved by extremely past, mercilessly ticking away silently. 

Things that I realized in this year:

1. Money

Took up more tuition assignments and really, it requires a lot of commitment, self-discipline and self-motivation (I give myself both intrinsic and extrinsic motivation lol!) One of the reasons why I load myself honestly is  that I love to see the digits in my bank account grow, I mean who doesn't it right, haha. Furthermore, I really paid everything I need/want myself. However, I do love the feeling of having more spare cash and the idea of saving it for rainy days. I cut down sooo much on shopping on clothes and shoes (like really cut down except when traveling)! I used to be such a shopaholic buying clothes and shoes every other day but at the end of it all, the clothes only get piled up like a mountain at home in my room, and overflowing huge wardrobe not enough to hold them all. Some were bought and never/barely wore, it's like money converted to rags and being chunk there. Less spending on clothes, but as age sets in, I became more involved (yes, involved) in skin care routine like applying hydration lotion on face every night etc. I love the loreal hydra fresh mask-in lotion, I love the smell of it. Shall not mentioned the huge money I spent on signed package la:/

But that aside, I also like to spend it on nice food with my loved ones and of course spending for special occasions like Christmas, Chinese New Year etc on my parents and loved ones!! 

I like to spend it on traveling too! I am glad that I got to travel twice in 2013; first was going to KL with Xh and secondly was going to HK with the girls for a year-end grad trip vacation. I love to travel, I love the feeling of being away from homeland for a couple of days to somewhere new; nobody knows you and your stories and you can have a breather and sometimes sort out your thinking.

Anyway, so glad I found a good traveling partner too! Xh really had to take care of a lot of things when we were to go overseas; like my packing list, my safety there, my belongings and my food and eating habits. Xh always helps me to plan my schedule (also my back-up alarm clock), plan my detailed and personalized packing list since he knows what exactly I need to bring and all, and lastly my chef (even if we had to catch the ferry early in the morning, he still manages to be awake and whipped up sumptuous hearty cum mega breakfast for me so that I could eat along the way there!) I get seasick if I go on ferry with an empty stomach. The KL trip was so enjoyable even though I had a fever there!

Haha so the trip to HK without Xh was pretty daunting at first, but I was glad I went ahead, it turned out well and it's pretty good to be independent for once! I like the occasional missing home feel too -grins-

With that, I promise myself to travel to new places every available holiday with my loved ones; looking forward to the next trip and holiday! Wanderlust if you would to call it. Korea is the next place I'm interested in going or even places like China which Xh's brother can host us there. Need to start savings up all over again cos this school holiday, my expenses came up to a considerable amount; the price to pay for exorbitant luxury:( But at least, I found the motivation/good cause to save :p

But I'm pretty sure I can saved up more this time round because of my attachment, I hardly go out during attachment because it just drains me out everyday after work. I'll be thankful if I can catch a little rest because almost every moment is spent doing work. Somewhere in July this year, I'll be starting my lifetime career soon, I strive to work towards being an awesome educator who continue to inspire and touch the hearts of many, and of course I strive to be liked by the students, so that they will like the subject because of me. By the way, the teachers who inspired me most in my secondary, junior college and work times were ALL chemistry teachers, such a coincidental right! 

2. Trust 

I lost someone once so dear to me. The 2.5 years of relationship was not even enough to withstand the test of new friends, new environment and temptations around, thinking back it was still pretty much like a joke to me. I always asked myself how did it even turned out like this but I guess it was predestined to fail. Like what many of my friends say, things happened in a way nobody expected and so my reply was "Never judge a book by it's cover". I was forced to accept the consequences of his actions.  Certainly, the road to recovery wasn't at all easy for me. In the earlier stage, my sleep was sooo badly affected, everything starts to haunt me at night. Yes, I felt happier and better when I meet my friends. But when I'm alone, I'm back to the emotional state. My mood and emotions are always fluctuating especially when I'm alone. I really don't know how I can have such a bad time recovering while he's enjoying every moment of his life; happily, guiltlessly, shamelessly and painlessly moving on, leading his own new life eagerly finding a new partner and that's when I swore I'll never ever forgive him, much lest to forget the pain he once brought into my life. To put it more blatantly, he doesn't gives a hoot whether I live or die. It was a mistake for me to allow him into my life, I had everything reason to hate him, to be mad at him and I really don't need an egoistic someone who always thinks that he is too handsome/good for the girl. 

It was as though the car abruptly stopped and I was not wearing my seatbelt- I was flying through the air, waiting for the full impact. 

Almost every night for 2 weeks, this song was on replay when I was on bed.


So there was a point I really lose hope and faith in the principle of trust and honesty which I hold dear to. My unfortunate snafu was a constant and exact mockery of my very own principle, so I became really skeptical and half-hearted when other guys came in at that point of my life. There was one who showed up at my workplace with food, brought a couple of the useless stuffs I was selling then; came below my blk just to give me his home-cooked food and home brewed drinks. Really, a lot of effort from this guy ( he really deserve the best/most effort award ever), I was impressed but wasn't the least touched. I just don't want anyone to be my so-called rebound.

However, Xh was a different story. He was someone I already know very well previously, he had the biggest advantage I would say; I really don't like sharing my stories with someone new or have the cycle of getting to know someone new again. So, Xh and I already had a foundation of friendship there, even though we lost touch for close to 5 years in between. But at least, I would still be willing to be meet him when he called me out one fine day, more than willing to meet him in fact because I had the thought of catching up with him someday but never materialize due to many other reasons. We had some misunderstandings previously that was uncleared, we left it as it was, we graduated from the school and we left each others life completely. Never knew how our first meeting after the long separation would turned out, but still went ahead and tried to be cool about it. Fortunately, when we do finally met up, it was still easy to talk to each other like before. I'm not one to easily share my stories, but I was just able to comfortably confide in him without worries of being judge at or despise at. I guessed I slowly opened up to him, told him stuffs bit by bit and literally shared my complete stories with him.  From there, he asked me out more often, I appreciate his intention of dragging me out of house and to cheer me up. He brought me for a short getaway, to a night trail in a forest, morning climb up the Bukit Timah hill and brought me to eat many nice food, just plain avenue where I can forget my troubles, problems and sadness for that while. Up till now, it's still quite unbelievable we have been together for close to seven months. I took the biggest leap of faith in June 2013. Seven years ago and seven years later, he's still one of the most important people in my life, which I'm very thankful for. Thank you Xh for your love, care, patience, help and guidance in my life <3 br="">

3. Sleep

Sleeping became such a problem for me in this year ever since the incident forementioned. Became fearful of sleeping because it's so hard for me to go to sleep despite having a really long day outside whosoever. I used to be the girl who looks forward to sleep, on bed at 10pm and can doze off easily but I have changed, really couldn't sleep until a minimum of 12am and sometimes I just toss and turn on the bed for hours and hours; sometimes I took pills to sleep, sometimes I don't. I tried to watch drama to make myself tired before falling asleep but I was up to the point that I was too tired to carry on watching the drama yet still not sleepy enough to fall into sleep. Yes, don't ask me why so strange. I don't know how and why it happened but I feel unsettled sometimes. I feel that I'mma like constantly tired but constantly cannot get into sleep when I hit the bed at night. So it always occurs to me why  could you sleep so peacefully, guiltlessly and happily at night but consciously the incident had left such an inevident trauma on me. Of the mistakes you make, the broken promises you failed to fulfill and the lies you shamelessly built, of the memories built with every bits of effort, time and feelings, was it so easy for you to abandon them all? Can time erase away all your sins and guilt?

I know I'll never ever get over the incident, there's not a day I spent without thinking/remembering the incident and every bits of images/messages/words in its chronological sequence,  but I really got to the point where it doesn't bother me so much. I bet you will never remember what I'll never forget. It was disgusting, it was beyond description.

xxx

A song I really like! I guess not much people have heard it, so enjoy the song!

Thank you so much for reading and May year 2014 be even better for everyone.

Cheers~